It can be difficult to recover when you find out your boyfriend has been lying to you. In fact, many relationships suffer from white lies or exaggerated truths early, when both people are trying to impress each other. But if your boyfriend is lying to you a consistent basis, you should identify when he is lying, think about why he may be lying, and respond to his lies in a clear and honest way. If your boyfriend continues to lie to you, even when you confront him, you may want to consider if there are issues in your relationship that are bigger than just a few small lies.
Don’t ignore it
Sometimes we fight to accept the fact that someone we love can lie to us. So, many people take the easy way to deal with it by feigning ignorance. But that’s a big mistake. Acceptance is the first hurdle, after crossing which you will come across the next big hurdle—confrontation.
How do you approach it
Never use an accusatory tone. Instead of focusing on why your partner lied to you, you should tell the person how the lie had affected you and the relationship. Doing so would encourage your partner to participate in a constructive conversation because when a couple starts playing the blame game, the guilty will only take a defensive stance. Be patient, listen and then speak.
Although it’s difficult to ask direct questions, the road to discovery, be it anything, is never easy. Don’t beat around the bush. Take a deep breath and ask whatever is troubling your mind. But be prepared that the answers could be very different from what you might be expecting.
Don’t try to trivialize it
We all know that white lies or ‘harmless’ lies are something everyone resorts to every now and then. But that does not mean we should trivialize a lie calling it just ‘harmless’. Only you can decide the impact the lie had on you and act accordingly.
Listen and listen carefully
After you have made your thoughts and questions clear, give the other person a chance to explain or share his or her side of the story. Be a good listener and try to understand the reason that prompted the person to lie. Your objective should be to find the reason behind the lie so that it can be avoided in the future.
Trust your ‘guts’
While a lot of people will try to dismiss this calling it vague, but when it comes to trust, never ignore your instincts or what is commonly called ‘guts’. Even after your partner gives an explanation, if you have a feeling that you should not completely trust what he or she had just said, take this as a warning sign.
Should you forgive and forget?
After the confrontation and explanation, pause and ponder before you take the next step. Weigh your options: are you ready to forgive and forget? If not, then how should you go ahead. Before jumping to conclusions it’s always advisable to think about the consequences a little.